July 6, 2048
NEW YORK–Officials from Sony Music Entertainment announced Monday that remaining dates on the Jackzon Five Reunion Tour will be postponed, and possibly cancelled, pending a recall of Michael and Tito Jackzon. “It is with great sadness and regret that we announce what will potentially be the end to the Jackzon tour,” proclaimed Scooter Beverage, Sony VP of Live and Near-Live Performances. “We want the fans to know that whatever is wrong with Michael, he will rise again, and the Jackzons will be back.”
The Jackzon Five, the brainchild of promoter and Jackson family patriarch Joe Jackson, have performed to capacity crowds in Detroit, New York, Brasilia, and Twickenham. Performing a mix of traditional Jackson Five material, solo material from members of the Jackson family, and new material composed by Joe Jackson and based upon a cycle of traditional Celtic dancing songs, the Jackzons have revived interest in American pop music among a generation of young listeners disillusioned with the slick production values and forced whimsy of the contemporary scene.
“I can’t believe the tour is off,” complains a fan with tickets for the Albany show. “The Jackzons are the only thing that’s real in music any more, the only thing with soul, with real roots in the tradition.”
The result of an advanced, experimental production process known as Human Vapor Deposition, the Jackzons were produced from authentic genetic samples taken from each of the Jacksons and refined through a complex process of error-correction based on comparative analyses with the Joe Jackson genome. “No cost was spared in guaranteeing an authentic set of Jackzons,” explains Sony’s Beverage. “The process is cutting edge, just like they were.”
Human Vapor Deposition, modeled after traditional microprocessor production techniques, makes use of a series of filters, or masks, through which light is projected onto a genetically engineered soup or ‘gel.’ Special chemicals in the gel react with differing wavelengths of light, forming a ‘scale’ or ‘dupe.’ The scale is then sliced into cross-sections, each only as thick as the transistor groove on a computer chip. The slices, taken in turn, are sealed in a ‘clean slip’ and exposed to a specialized vapor that bonds to the cross-sections and interacts with the DNA in the gel, activating and disabling genes in accordance with gel arrangements formed during the exposure to the mask. Once the slices are reassembled, a living, breathing Jackzon walks off the line ready to perform.
Sony officials made the decision to recall Tito and Michael shortly after being notified by technicians that a flaw had been discovered in the masks used to produce both. “The Tito mask and the adult Michael mask had miniscule imperfections in them that gave us some concern,” explains Dr. Wilton Clay, the Jackzon custodial physician. “The imperfections were small signatures left behind by the mask designers, like a sort of graffiti. I haven’t seen them myself, but I’m told Tito contains a nanoscopic ‘kilroy’ while Michael’s got a glove making an obscene gesture.”
Though Sony has not released information concerning the medical condition of the recalled Jackzon brothers, Dr. Clay has indicated that they are in “good health,” and that the recall was precautionary in nature. “I saw them both last night,” reports Dr. Clay. “And they were in good spirits. I wouldn’t be surprised if many of the tour dates were reinstated in the near future.”
Jackzon Reunion Tour ticket holders should contact their vendor immediately concerning refunds, exchanges, or in kind compensation.