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Undead Celebrities
headline dateline
Who is Satchel Pincher? November 22, 2004 
Headless Reporter Continues Work March 4, 2005 
Actor's Death Linked to Interactive Sitcom Sweatshop February 8, 2016 
Paris Hilton Rendered to Offshore Blackshop May 5, 2016 
Rupert Murdoch Lobotomized in 'Iron Surgeon' Mishap August 16, 2020 
Biosecurities Asphyxiate Famed Financier April 16, 2023 
Eisner Pummeled by Disney's Frozen Head December 18, 2027 
Unmanned Aerial President Crashes on Korean Peninsula March 8, 2041 
Ted Turner Vanishes in Quantum Superposition Accident November 13, 2041 
Spam Stalks Steve Case, Attacks March 16, 2042 
Martha Stewart Mauled by Dust Bunnies April 12, 2045 
Julia Robertz' Bowel Obstructed by Reusable Kraft Single November 3, 2045 
Foundry Flaw Fells Jackzon Five July 6, 2048 
Japanese Royal Family Escapes from Habitat, Search Continues July 4, 2058 
Anna Kournikova Deleted by Memeright Trusted System December 6, 2067 
Aniston, Pitt Anonymized, Keys Lost April 23, 2072 
Sir Robert Downey Jr. Chokes on Viral Sushi, Dies December 6, 2072 
Oprah Enters Public Domain, Fans Mourn October 8, 2075 
Tom Cruize Kills Himselves, Police Charge June 16, 2082 
Gates Suffers General Protection Fault August 3, 2101 
Ellen Greenzpan Crushed by Falling Market October 11, 2108 
Hibernating Actor Uncovered on Antiques Roadshow October 1, 2132 
Larry Ellison Sinks Off New Zealand Coast December 1, 2151 
Strom Thurmond Cannot Die: Immortality a Reality October 21, 2188 
Suicide Artist Fakes Death, Defrauds Patrons April 23, 2202 

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