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Undead Celebrities
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dateline
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| Who is Satchel Pincher? |
November 22, 2004 |
| Headless Reporter Continues Work |
March 4, 2005 |
| Actor's Death Linked to Interactive Sitcom Sweatshop |
February 8, 2016 |
| Paris Hilton Rendered to Offshore Blackshop |
May 5, 2016 |
| Rupert Murdoch Lobotomized in 'Iron Surgeon' Mishap |
August 16, 2020 |
| Biosecurities Asphyxiate Famed Financier |
April 16, 2023 |
| Eisner Pummeled by Disney's Frozen Head |
December 18, 2027 |
| Unmanned Aerial President Crashes on Korean Peninsula |
March 8, 2041 |
| Ted Turner Vanishes in Quantum Superposition Accident |
November 13, 2041 |
| Spam Stalks Steve Case, Attacks |
March 16, 2042 |
| Martha Stewart Mauled by Dust Bunnies |
April 12, 2045 |
| Julia Robertz' Bowel Obstructed by Reusable Kraft Single |
November 3, 2045 |
| Foundry Flaw Fells Jackzon Five |
July 6, 2048 |
| Japanese Royal Family Escapes from Habitat, Search Continues |
July 4, 2058 |
| Anna Kournikova Deleted by Memeright Trusted System |
December 6, 2067 |
| Aniston, Pitt Anonymized, Keys Lost |
April 23, 2072 |
| Sir Robert Downey Jr. Chokes on Viral Sushi, Dies |
December 6, 2072 |
| Oprah Enters Public Domain, Fans Mourn |
October 8, 2075 |
| Tom Cruize Kills Himselves, Police Charge |
June 16, 2082 |
| Gates Suffers General Protection Fault |
August 3, 2101 |
| Ellen Greenzpan Crushed by Falling Market |
October 11, 2108 |
| Hibernating Actor Uncovered on Antiques Roadshow |
October 1, 2132 |
| Larry Ellison Sinks Off New Zealand Coast |
December 1, 2151 |
| Strom Thurmond Cannot Die: Immortality a Reality |
October 21, 2188 |
| Suicide Artist Fakes Death, Defrauds Patrons |
April 23, 2202 |
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