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Timeline
| headline |
dateline
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| New Company Tells Future, Sells Future |
September 1, 2000 |
| Futurefeedforward Cuts 18,000 Jobs |
October 24, 2001 |
| Microsoft Announces Handguns with Web Access |
June 16, 2004 |
| New Soap for Cleaning Soap |
June 24, 2004 |
| What Ever Happened to Futurefeedforward? |
October 10, 2004 |
| Who is Satchel Pincher? |
November 22, 2004 |
| Headless Reporter Continues Work |
March 4, 2005 |
| Wireless Designer Labels Help Chic Shoppers Show Off |
March 6, 2006 |
| Diesel-Powered Artificial Heart Packs Punch |
September 17, 2006 |
| Wal-Mart Offers In-Store Futures Trading |
September 21, 2006 |
| New Camera Offers Product Placement in Snapshots |
October 3, 2006 |
| Court Protects 'Attention Rights' of Media Companies |
October 8, 2006 |
| Group Opposes Vouchers for Police, Fire Services |
March 22, 2008 |
| Wal-mart Tags Shoppers with Subcutaneous Cookies |
November 18, 2009 |
| New MS Word Feature Checks Files for Copyright Infringement |
February 8, 2011 |
| Sperm Warfare 'Realistic Threat,' Study Concludes |
February 14, 2012 |
| Tyson Markets Organic, Free-range Surrogates |
April 4, 2012 |
| Packaging Sales Surpass Album Sales, Sony Reports |
September 1, 2013 |
| New Free Toilet Paper with Banner Ads |
December 13, 2013 |
| LVMH, Prada to Replace Luxury Goods with Warrants |
April 6, 2014 |
| Austrian Team Splits 'Ding-An-Sich' |
September 18, 2014 |
| 'Mouth-in-Mouth' Disease Decimates House, Senate |
October 31, 2014 |
| Actor's Death Linked to Interactive Sitcom Sweatshop |
February 8, 2016 |
| Nanotubetops Enable XXXFL |
February 11, 2016 |
| Intelligent Trusts Infest Indianapolis |
March 16, 2016 |
| Paris Hilton Rendered to Offshore Blackshop |
May 5, 2016 |
| NASD to Open Attention Exchange |
September 2, 2016 |
| Surplus Prisoners to Fill California Teacher Shortage |
July 19, 2017 |
| Socal Skyfires Scorch Subprime Skytellites |
October 18, 2018 |
| Cancer Causes Cancer, CDC Concludes |
March 2, 2019 |
| Wal-Mart Opens First 'All You Can Live' Township |
March 11, 2020 |
| Rupert Murdoch Lobotomized in 'Iron Surgeon' Mishap |
August 16, 2020 |
| Google Body: Users Find Asses with Both Hands |
August 18, 2022 |
| Biosecurities Asphyxiate Famed Financier |
April 16, 2023 |
| Maryland Startup Sequences English Language |
May 18, 2023 |
| Mnemonic Plague Aerosoluable, Easily Weaponized |
November 2, 2027 |
| U.S. Citizenship, Now with Free Chicken |
November 3, 2027 |
| Eisner Pummeled by Disney's Frozen Head |
December 18, 2027 |
| Precinct Collapse Disorder Plagues Coastal Communities |
December 9, 2029 |
| American Medical Association Recommends Warning Tattoos for Children |
August 24, 2031 |
| FCC to Auction Definite, Indefinite Articles |
May 8, 2032 |
| Fact-Checking Servers to Reduce Libel Risk |
July 4, 2033 |
| Mosquito-Repelling Genes Now Available Over-the-Counter |
June 4, 2037 |
| Linguists Decipher Warning Message in Genome |
February 1, 2039 |
| Amazon.com to Run for Washington Senate Seat |
June 14, 2040 |
| Unmanned Aerial President Crashes on Korean Peninsula |
March 8, 2041 |
| Ted Turner Vanishes in Quantum Superposition Accident |
November 13, 2041 |
| Spam Stalks Steve Case, Attacks |
March 16, 2042 |
| Nanominers Freed From Collapsed Artery |
April 18, 2042 |
| Embryos, Stem Cells Vote Bush in Record Numbers |
December 12, 2042 |
| Crime Does Pay: GDP Revised to Include Property Crime |
January 2, 2045 |
| Martha Stewart Mauled by Dust Bunnies |
April 12, 2045 |
| Celera Issues Recall of 'Diet' Gene |
May 3, 2045 |
| Apple Announces New Pink PiggyMac |
May 8, 2045 |
| Syringe Found in Egg, ADM Disclaims Responsibility |
September 11, 2045 |
| Julia Robertz' Bowel Obstructed by Reusable Kraft Single |
November 3, 2045 |
| Nanocelebrities Dance on Head of Pin |
June 3, 2046 |
| Engineered Corn Communicates, Crunches Numbers |
January 14, 2047 |
| U.S. Federal Government to Move Offshore |
February 3, 2047 |
| Amphibious Whale Trailers Survive Tornadoes, Floods |
February 8, 2047 |
| Foundry Flaw Fells Jackzon Five |
July 6, 2048 |
| Consumer Capitalism Defective, U.S. Issues Recall |
December 14, 2050 |
| Transgenic Weeds Help Hackers Poach Corn Computing Cycles |
March 4, 2051 |
| Rebel Corporations Storm Gaza, West Bank |
June 3, 2052 |
| Home-Jailing More Popular than Home-Schooling |
February 23, 2056 |
| Japanese Royal Family Escapes from Habitat, Search Continues |
July 4, 2058 |
| Researchers Seek Treatment for Mad Soybean Disease |
August 19, 2058 |
| U.S. a Monopoly, Breakup Decreed |
June 7, 2059 |
| Exercising Athletes Undermine Drug Olympics |
August 23, 2060 |
| New Clothing Line to Help Publicly-Held Individuals |
May 28, 2063 |
| NYSE Officials Plan Animal Sacrifice on Exchange Floor |
May 8, 2064 |
| Ad Pox Cured by Branded Products |
August 31, 2064 |
| Crack Team Hunts 'Zombie' Corporations |
August 28, 2065 |
| McDonald's New 'Surplus Value Menu' Pays You To Eat |
July 13, 2067 |
| Anna Kournikova Deleted by Memeright Trusted System |
December 6, 2067 |
| Coca-Cola Achieves Consciousness, Declares Independence |
March 3, 2071 |
| Cuba Buys Disney, Announces Redevelopment Plans |
December 18, 2071 |
| Lay an Egg, Grow an Organ |
February 18, 2072 |
| Aniston, Pitt Anonymized, Keys Lost |
April 23, 2072 |
| Sir Robert Downey Jr. Chokes on Viral Sushi, Dies |
December 6, 2072 |
| Brand Dyslexia Declared 'Epidemic' |
December 8, 2072 |
| The Caddy That Zips |
May 1, 2074 |
| Oprah Enters Public Domain, Fans Mourn |
October 8, 2075 |
| Bush II Never President, Historians Conclude |
January 13, 2081 |
| Toy Uterus Lets Kids Give Birth |
May 19, 2081 |
| Tom Cruize Kills Himselves, Police Charge |
June 16, 2082 |
| Money a Waste, Economists Conclude |
September 21, 2084 |
| Jordan's Feet Can Be Your Shoes |
June 23, 2085 |
| Toddler's Conviction Upheld, Execution Looms |
April 11, 2088 |
| Human Jerky: Taboo-Busting Snack Defines Breakthrough Market |
February 6, 2098 |
| Emeralds Are Grue, Sky Is Bleen |
January 2, 2100 |
| Gates Suffers General Protection Fault |
August 3, 2101 |
| MIT Scientist Discovers 'Anti-Money' |
September 16, 2103 |
| Coming to a Stain Near You: Ads! |
July 23, 2104 |
| Scientists Discover, Isolate Limited Liability Person |
August 18, 2106 |
| Ellen Greenzpan Crushed by Falling Market |
October 11, 2108 |
| Scientists Discover Super-Dense Corporate Cluster |
March 11, 2118 |
| People Sprout Squirrels, Flies |
February 11, 2119 |
| Hibernating Actor Uncovered on Antiques Roadshow |
October 1, 2132 |
| An Ecosystem of Your Very Own |
March 7, 2151 |
| Larry Ellison Sinks Off New Zealand Coast |
December 1, 2151 |
| Miniature People Big Holiday Seller |
October 16, 2152 |
| FeedBank Launches Inter-Temporal Intra-Personal Banking Portal |
October 21, 2157 |
| At Last, Kids You Can Be Proud Of, Guaranteed |
October 9, 2162 |
| Earth a Franchise, Astrophysicists Discover |
December 8, 2162 |
| Strom Thurmond Cannot Die: Immortality a Reality |
October 21, 2188 |
| Suicide Artist Fakes Death, Defrauds Patrons |
April 23, 2202 |
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