New Company Tells Future, Sells Future

Sept. 1, 2000
NEW HAVEN–Futurefeedforward, a young start-up company in southern Connecticut, publicly announced today that it has established a computer networking link to the future. The company’s Temporal Networking technology enables it to directly gather information about the future from databases located in the future and linked to present day computers in its New Haven offices. The company reports that by eventually building extensive databases in the future containing information about events between now and the future, and by networking “ForwardServers” with “present-side clients,” it has gained unprecedented access to information about the future.

“The commercial possibilities are literally endless,” notes a company spokesperson. “One simple example: Marketers can improve the effectiveness of advertising campaigns by targeting only those consumers who will eventually buy what they’re selling.”

Although the exact nature of the technology remains a secret, company materials claim that information can be encoded in “wave packets” traveling back in time on “retrograde quantum effects.” A present-day “black box” device collects and decodes these packets, producing usable, present-day information about future events.

Company founder Redroe “Red” Boudaine invented the technology and established the company to develop and exploit its commercial possibilities.

The company currently offers financial and research services to the industrial, commercial, and consumer markets.

Its research division, predictably, touts its ability to produce unequalled and unequallable analyses of future trends; but its financial services division aims to profit by selling money below its current value. “Money wants to be free!” declares CEO Boudaine.

Prominent banking officials doubt the viability of a business which sells money below cost. “If I sell you $1 million for, say, $900,000, that’s just not a business, that’s a bankruptcy waiting to happen,” noted a Federal Reserve spokeswoman.

Boudaine remains undaunted: “It’s not that banking officials are behind-the-times; it’s just that we are ahead, looking decades, centuries, even millennia into the future. They may refuse to accept our vision now, but, eventually, we will own them, all of them.”

The company’s web-presence at regularly publishes news about future events in an attempt to “spread the word about the company” and to “build our brand.”