whole thing so far, release notes, chapter one, chapter two
front page, archive, timeline, most popular, undead celebrities, future news, future science gearbox, newest & most improved
about us, history, our founder, business model, investor relations, careers, corporate culture, as seen on
our products, research services, financial services, publications, dingo stroller
philosophy, temporal networking, forward intentional invention, interstitial public offering, time-money value inversion

Court Protects 'Attention Rights' of Media Companies
October 8, 2006

WASHINGTON, DC--In a closely watched proceeding, DC District Court Judge Natalia Wimbley ruled Friday in favor of claims by a coalition of media companies to rights to the 'attention' of consumers. "This ruling is crucial to the continued vitality of American art and culture," explains RIAA President-elect Richard Mound. "Recognition of attention rights goes a long way to guaranteeing that artists and musicians will have access to sustainable revenue streams." (full story)

filed in:future news
related stories:New MS Word Feature Checks Files for Copyright Infringement
Packaging Sales Surpass Album Sales, Sony Reports
Anna Kournikova Deleted by Memeright Trusted System
NASD to Open Attention Exchange
Oprah Enters Public Domain, Fans Mourn
Brand Dyslexia Declared 'Epidemic'
Japanese Royal Family Escapes from Habitat, Search Continues

Headless Reporter Continues Work
March 4, 2005

NEW YORK--ABC news magazine "20/20" reporter John Stossel, accidentally decapitated late last month while shooting a segment "debunking the myth of wind power," returns to the air Wednesday in a special interview with 20/20 anchor Barbara Walters. "It's really an amazing story," explains Walters. "Most people wouldn't even survive decapitation, let alone have the guts, the determination, to keep doing their jobs. It's a real triumph of the human spirit." (full story)

filed in:undead celebrities
related stories:Coca-Cola Achieves Consciousness, Declares Independence
Strom Thurmond Cannot Die: Immortality a Reality
'Mouth-in-Mouth' Disease Decimates House, Senate
Lay an Egg, Grow an Organ

MIT Scientist Discovers 'Anti-Money'
September 16, 2103

BOSTON--In a paper published recently in the journal Science, MIT Professor Marguerite Fury reports establishing experimentally the existence of 'anti-money', a bizarre economic phenomena linked by Professor Fury to a host of hypothesized 'quantum economic' processes underlying all matter. "Experimental confirmation of at least one of my theoretical predictions tells me I'm on to something," notes Professor Fury. "This result will feed my thinking for some time." (full story)

filed in:future science gearbox
related stories:McDonald's New 'Surplus Value Menu' Pays You To Eat
Austrian Team Splits 'Ding-An-Sich'
Futurefeedforward Cuts 18,000 Jobs
Earth a Franchise, Astrophysicists Discover
Money a Waste, Economists Conclude
Scientists Discover Super-Dense Corporate Cluster
Scientists Discover, Isolate Limited Liability Person
NYSE Officials Plan Animal Sacrifice on Exchange Floor

Wal-Mart Offers In-Store Futures Trading
September 21, 2006

WALVILLE, ARK.--Representatives of the Wal-Mart corporation on Friday opened the first of many planned in-store trading 'pits' for the buying and selling of futures contracts on more than 1,100 consumer and household goods carried by the retailing giant. "This is about injecting some new excitement into the shopping experience," exclaimed Wal-Mart VP of Marketing William Foursby. "It's about capturing some of the energy of a bazaar, of an open marketplace, and, at the same time, extending our value chain that last mile to our retail customers." (full story)

filed in:newest & most improved
related stories:Wal-Mart Opens First 'All You Can Live' Township
Wal-mart Tags Shoppers with Subcutaneous Cookies
LVMH, Prada to Replace Luxury Goods with Warrants
New Clothing Line to Help Publicly-Held Individuals
NASD to Open Attention Exchange
FeedBank Launches Inter-Temporal Intra-Personal Banking Portal
Intelligent Trusts Infest Indianapolis
NYSE Officials Plan Animal Sacrifice on Exchange Floor

FCC to Auction Definite, Indefinite Articles
May 8, 2032

WASHINGTON--In a bid to "foster innovation" and "encourage the efficient use of public resources," the U.S. Federal Communications Commission announced Tuesday plans to auction exclusive rights to the use of the English definite and indefinite articles. "For a number of years the Commission has been studying the possibility of enhancing the value of English through selective privatization of some of its features," explains FCC Chairwoman Glenda Friedboot. "The auction we propose today is the first Commission initiative implementing the lessons of that research. It is also a test initiative, designed to gauge the effectiveness of a broader privatization policy." (full story)

filed in:future news
related stories:U.S. a Monopoly, Breakup Decreed
Oprah Enters Public Domain, Fans Mourn
U.S. Federal Government to Move Offshore
Maryland Startup Sequences English Language

Japanese Royal Family Escapes from Habitat, Search Continues
July 4, 2058

TOKYO--Officials from the Walt Disney Company confirmed early this morning that several members of the Japanese Royal family, including the reigning Empress, have fled the specially-maintained habitat in which they live. Though their current whereabouts are unknown, they are believed to still be in the Tokyo area. "We are very concerned for their health and safety," noted a solemn Disney representative. "[Disney] enjoy[s] a very close relationship to the family, and we've taken on a commitment to preserving Imperial culture and practices. We feel responsible and are doing everything within our power to bring them home." (full story)

filed in:undead celebrities
related stories:Court Protects 'Attention Rights' of Media Companies
Anna Kournikova Deleted by Memeright Trusted System
Aniston, Pitt Anonymized, Keys Lost
Paris Hilton Rendered to Offshore Blackshop
Suicide Artist Fakes Death, Defrauds Patrons
Eisner Pummeled by Disney's Frozen Head

Nanocelebrities Dance on Head of Pin
June 3, 2046

CAMBRIDGE--Researchers at the MIT Media Lab announced Friday the successful construction of a nano-scale "boy band" capable of performing complex, synchronized dance routines on the head of a pin. "Creating [the band] was part of a larger, long-term effort here at the Lab to humanize nano-scale user interfaces," notes Professor Ambrose Stone, director of the research team. "[The band] will act as goodwill ambassadors from the world of ubiquitous [nano-electro-mechanical devices]." (full story)

filed in:future science gearbox
related stories:Miniature People Big Holiday Seller
Aniston, Pitt Anonymized, Keys Lost
Nanominers Freed From Collapsed Artery
The Caddy That Zips
free email subscription: 
questions? problems? :
privacy policy | terms of use | rss:xml
copyright 2000-2007, some rights reserved, Hamlet Monkeys Media
licensed under a creative commons license