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Home-Jailing More Popular than Home-Schooling
February 23, 2056

WASHINGTON DC--For the first time since the controversial practice of home-jailing was introduced some 15 years ago, the number of American households electing to house a convicted felon has surpassed the number choosing to home-school their children. U.S. Bureau of Prisons officials point to the numbers and declare home-jailing initiatives an unqualified success. Detractors, including a broad coalition of current and former prisoners, civil-rights activists and members of the threatened Prison Guards of America and U.S. Prison Workers unions, continue to protest the program even as it moves into its 16th and what may be its most profitable year. (full story)

filed in:future news
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Crime Does Pay: GDP Revised to Include Property Crime
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Strom Thurmond Cannot Die: Immortality a Reality
October 21, 2188

AIKEN SC--Former South Carolina Senator Strom Thurmond today emerged from more than 180 years in hiding and revealed that, according to his staff of personal physicians, he is the first human to permanently defeat death. For more than a century Senator Thurmond has lived secreted in a hyperbarric, orgone-accumulating subterranean greenhouse buried beneath the Russell Senate Building in Washington DC. (full story)

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Ted Turner Vanishes in Quantum Superposition Accident


Crime Does Pay: GDP Revised to Include Property Crime
January 2, 2045

WASHINGTON DC--Officials at the U.S. Bureau of Economic Analysis, a division of the Department of Commerce responsible for calculating Gross Domestic Product, a measure of economic activity, recently decided to include the value of all property crimes in the important measurement. Minutes of December meetings among executive officials reveal that key members of the Bureau had reached a broad consensus on the inclusion of the figures, which are quite high and, after revision of calculations of GDP for past years, reveal a staggering growth rate in the past 40 years. (full story)

filed in:future news
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New Soap for Cleaning Soap
June 24, 2004

CINCINNATI -- Consumer giant Procter & Gamble today announced a new product enabling consumers to maintain the cleanliness of traditional bar soaps. (full story)

filed in:newest & most improved
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Coming to a Stain Near You: Ads!
July 23, 2104

MADISON, NJ--If Nanosigns inc. has anything to say about it, advertisers will no longer be crying over spilled milk. At this year's World Marketing Conference, the wholly-owned subsidiary of pharmaceutical and biotech giant American Home Products announced a new application for its fluid-manipulating nanobots: assembling advertising slogans and logos from spilled liquids. (full story)

filed in:future science gearbox
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Coca-Cola Achieves Consciousness, Declares Independence


New Company Tells Future, Sells Future
September 1, 2000

NEW HAVEN--Futurefeedforward, a young start-up company in southern Connecticut, publicly announced today that it has established a computer networking link to the future. The company's Temporal Networking technology enables it to directly gather information about the future from databases located in the future and linked to present day computers in its New Haven offices. The company reports that by eventually building extensive databases in the future containing information about events between now and the future, and by networking "ForwardServers" with "present-side clients," it has gained unprecedented access to information about the future. (full story)

filed in:future news
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At Last, Kids You Can Be Proud Of, Guaranteed
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