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Rebel Corporations Storm Gaza, West Bank
June 3, 2052
GAZA--In a surprise move Wednesday, squads of U.S. and multinational corporations seized control of key strategic sites throughout Gaza and the West Bank, demanding an end to Palestinian policies disfavoring capital movements and the distribution of consumer goods. "This is not an act of aggression," explains Dobie Greengrass, VP of Insurgency and Pacification at Procter & Gamble. "Our sole aim is to ensure the security of our customers. Our customers have rights that shall not be overcome."
The attack, timed to coincide with a local bank holiday and the closure of local bourses, struck private and public targets across the region, including utilities and key media assets. "I've never seen anything like it," exclaims Euclid Finda, Executive Director of Gaza Bank. "Simultaneous buying on a massive scale. Total carnage. Within a matter of 72 hours the rebels had apparent control of eight of the nine largest Palestinian companies. And whatever they didn't own, they burned."
Making use of what have been characterized as 'slash and burn' tactics, the rebels, lead by prominent U.S. consumer products manufacturers, purchased controlling interest in the Palestinian economy, embargoing or driving into bankruptcy firms they could not purchase. "My business is ruined, and for what?" asks an unidentified West Bank retailer. "My supply lines are cut off. Nobody will sell to me. How long can I hold out without fresh inventory?"
Within hours of the attack, rebel managers, accountants, and consultants descended upon the country, occupying boardrooms, coffee shops, and hotel conference centers. "Sure, there's some danger," notes a member of a squad of elite McKinsey & Co. consultants. "Most of these investments are likely to end up worthless. But you accept danger when you're fighting the good fight. That's the job we're here to do."
International reaction to the attack was quick, but cautious. "It is not our mandate to intervene in the internal affairs of member nations," explains U.N. General Secretary Maria Trafficante. "The Security Council is monitoring the situation closely, but, to date, no motion has been made towards a serious resolution on the issue either way."
Employees of insurgent companies showed their support on Friday by wearing specially designed green ribbons. "I'm proud of them," says an AOL employee of his fellow employees who seized control of Palestinian state-run television. "This is a good day for AOL, and a great day for the Palestinian people."
Asked about the duration of the occupation, P&G's Greengrass, speaking for the rebel coalition, declined to characterize the action as an occupation. "This is not an occupation; it's a liberation. It's about ensuring that people everywhere have the right to buy and enjoy the goods to which they aspire."
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