The Jumbo Dingo Stroller

Problem: Babies lack sufficient neuro-muscular coordination to move about efficiently and to keep up with their parents' active lifestyles.  Babies need a way to get around in the world without undue exposure to the elements.  Your Baby wants to travel in a warm, comfortable, and familiar environment.

The Dingo Stroller exploits the natural instincts and superior speed and agility of the dingo.  Tailored pheremone wash ensures that the Stroller imprints on you and your coparents as pack alphas.  The Stroller stays nearby, even in crowded shopping pavilions, and is always alert for potential danger.

baby in dingo stroller
Fierce maternal and protective instincts drive the Stroller to defend your baby at all costs.  Optimized xeno-aggression and sharp teeth and forenails deter kidnappers, predators, and bullies.

Baby enters through a generous opening in the Stroller's abdomen, and rides in the comfort of an enveloping, fur-lined belly pouch, held firmly in place by hinged ribs and specialized involuntary muscles that line the pouch and respond to body heat and playful pats and tickles.

The Stroller's interior pouch is sensitve to baby's touch.  Your baby's kicks and crude motor movements stimulate the Stroller, and it learns to respond to baby's wishes.  Within days, your baby will be guiding the Stroller where he wills, enjoying an unprecedented degree of mobility and independence.

The Dingo Stroller was designed from the ground up.  99.95% of its genes are derived directly from free-range dingoes.  All supplemental traits have been expression-tested through 100 generations.  Novel skeleto-muscular structures thoroughly stress-tested under working conditions and at high and low pressures.

  • 100% biological*
  • Dark, comforting womb-like environment
  • Fur-lined
  • Runs entirely on scraps and conventional pet foods
  • Loyal
  • Specialized glands produce human-grade milk
  • Goggle interface lets your baby see what the Stroller sees
  • Teaches your baby to cooperate with other living creatures
  • Built entirely with open source genes
  • Exploits naturally evolved instincts
  • Two modes: interactive and passive
  • Stroller's lungs feed baby fresh, oxygen-rich air
  • Reddish-brown and yellowish-brown models
  • House-broken at the factory

*Except supplemental pouch zipper, umbilical interface and optional harness and muzzle
The Stroller is equipped with a sophisticated umbilical interface to help your baby interact with it.  Engineered milk ducts offer on-the-go feeding through the hypoallergenic umbilicus.  A bronchial shunt sends fresh air in through the same conduit.

Optional goggles offer a simplified depiction of the Stroller's field of view and enable your baby to guide the Stroller through intuitive forms of feedback such as stroking of the pouch interior.  Simply switch the goggles to 'dark' to encourage sleep or to discourage your baby from running the Stroller around during quiet time or guided walks.

The Dingo Stroller comes in reddish-brown and yellowish-brown.  Interior fur is soft as mink, long, and deep-rooted for an easy grip.

baby with umbilicus