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Archive
headline date posted
Paris Hilton Rendered to Offshore Blackshop December 16, 2007 
Precinct Collapse Disorder Plagues Coastal Communities December 9, 2007 
Cancer Causes Cancer, CDC Concludes December 2, 2007 
Google Body: Users Find Asses with Both Hands November 25, 2007 
Socal Skyfires Scorch Subprime Skytellites November 18, 2007 
Who is Satchel Pincher? November 22, 2004 
What Ever Happened to Futurefeedforward? October 10, 2004 
American Medical Association Recommends Warning Tattoos for Children April 13, 2003 
Wal-Mart Opens First 'All You Can Live' Township March 23, 2003 
Unmanned Aerial President Crashes on Korean Peninsula February 23, 2003 
U.S. Citizenship, Now with Free Chicken February 1, 2003 
Bush II Never President, Historians Conclude January 5, 2003 
NASD to Open Attention Exchange December 15, 2002 
Intelligent Trusts Infest Indianapolis November 10, 2002 
Hibernating Actor Uncovered on Antiques Roadshow October 14, 2002 
Austrian Team Splits 'Ding-An-Sich' September 17, 2002 
Apple Announces New Pink PiggyMac September 8, 2002 
Surplus Prisoners to Fill California Teacher Shortage August 25, 2002 
Foundry Flaw Fells Jackzon Five August 12, 2002 
Nanominers Freed From Collapsed Artery August 5, 2002 
LVMH, Prada to Replace Luxury Goods with Warrants July 28, 2002 
Group Opposes Vouchers for Police, Fire Services July 21, 2002 
Spam Stalks Steve Case, Attacks July 14, 2002 
Mnemonic Plague Aerosoluable, Easily Weaponized July 7, 2002 
Amphibious Whale Trailers Survive Tornadoes, Floods June 30, 2002 
Rebel Corporations Storm Gaza, West Bank June 19, 2002 
Biosecurities Asphyxiate Famed Financier June 11, 2002 
Maryland Startup Sequences English Language May 12, 2002 
Wireless Designer Labels Help Chic Shoppers Show Off May 5, 2002 
Exercising Athletes Undermine Drug Olympics April 28, 2002 
Actor's Death Linked to Interactive Sitcom Sweatshop April 14, 2002 
Crack Team Hunts 'Zombie' Corporations April 7, 2002 
New MS Word Feature Checks Files for Copyright Infringement March 29, 2002 
Court Protects 'Attention Rights' of Media Companies March 17, 2002 
Headless Reporter Continues Work March 10, 2002 
MIT Scientist Discovers 'Anti-Money' March 3, 2002 
Wal-Mart Offers In-Store Futures Trading February 19, 2002 
FCC to Auction Definite, Indefinite Articles February 5, 2002 
Japanese Royal Family Escapes from Habitat, Search Continues January 24, 2002 
Nanocelebrities Dance on Head of Pin January 13, 2002 
Tyson Markets Organic, Free-range Surrogates January 6, 2002 
U.S. Federal Government to Move Offshore December 20, 2001 
Eisner Pummeled by Disney's Frozen Head December 9, 2001 
Linguists Decipher Warning Message in Genome December 2, 2001 
Wal-mart Tags Shoppers with Subcutaneous Cookies November 25, 2001 
Futurefeedforward Cuts 18,000 Jobs October 24, 2001 
Gates Suffers General Protection Fault October 7, 2001 
People Sprout Squirrels, Flies September 23, 2001 
New Camera Offers Product Placement in Snapshots September 16, 2001 
Ad Pox Cured by Branded Products September 9, 2001 
Martha Stewart Mauled by Dust Bunnies September 2, 2001 
Emeralds Are Grue, Sky Is Bleen August 26, 2001 
Lay an Egg, Grow an Organ August 19, 2001 
Embryos, Stem Cells Vote Bush in Record Numbers August 12, 2001 
Tom Cruize Kills Himselves, Police Charge August 4, 2001 
Scientists Discover, Isolate Limited Liability Person July 29, 2001 
Jordan's Feet Can Be Your Shoes July 22, 2001 
Cuba Buys Disney, Announces Redevelopment Plans July 15, 2001 
Ellen Greenzpan Crushed by Falling Market July 8, 2001 
Scientists Discover Super-Dense Corporate Cluster July 1, 2001 
Mosquito-Repelling Genes Now Available Over-the-Counter June 24, 2001 
Consumer Capitalism Defective, U.S. Issues Recall June 17, 2001 
Julia Robertz' Bowel Obstructed by Reusable Kraft Single June 10, 2001 
Diesel-Powered Artificial Heart Packs Punch June 3, 2001 
Nanotubetops Enable XXXFL May 27, 2001 
'Mouth-in-Mouth' Disease Decimates House, Senate May 20, 2001 
Rupert Murdoch Lobotomized in 'Iron Surgeon' Mishap May 13, 2001 
Transgenic Weeds Help Hackers Poach Corn Computing Cycles May 6, 2001 
The Caddy That Zips April 29, 2001 
Toddler's Conviction Upheld, Execution Looms April 22, 2001 
Aniston, Pitt Anonymized, Keys Lost April 15, 2001 
Engineered Corn Communicates, Crunches Numbers April 8, 2001 
New Free Toilet Paper with Banner Ads April 1, 2001 
U.S. a Monopoly, Breakup Decreed March 25, 2001 
Anna Kournikova Deleted by Memeright Trusted System March 18, 2001 
Money a Waste, Economists Conclude March 12, 2001 
Toy Uterus Lets Kids Give Birth March 4, 2001 
Brand Dyslexia Declared 'Epidemic' February 25, 2001 
Oprah Enters Public Domain, Fans Mourn February 18, 2001 
Sperm Warfare 'Realistic Threat,' Study Concludes February 11, 2001 
McDonald's New 'Surplus Value Menu' Pays You To Eat February 4, 2001 
Celera Issues Recall of 'Diet' Gene January 28, 2001 
Ted Turner Vanishes in Quantum Superposition Accident January 21, 2001 
NYSE Officials Plan Animal Sacrifice on Exchange Floor January 14, 2001 
FeedBank Launches Inter-Temporal Intra-Personal Banking Portal January 7, 2001 
Amazon.com to Run for Washington Senate Seat December 31, 2000 
Sir Robert Downey Jr. Chokes on Viral Sushi, Dies December 24, 2000 
Syringe Found in Egg, ADM Disclaims Responsibility December 17, 2000 
New Clothing Line to Help Publicly-Held Individuals December 10, 2000 
Coca-Cola Achieves Consciousness, Declares Independence December 3, 2000 
Larry Ellison Sinks Off New Zealand Coast November 26, 2000 
Researchers Seek Treatment for Mad Soybean Disease November 19, 2000 
Microsoft Announces Handguns with Web Access November 10, 2000 
Fact-Checking Servers to Reduce Libel Risk November 5, 2000 
Miniature People Big Holiday Seller October 29, 2000 
Packaging Sales Surpass Album Sales, Sony Reports October 22, 2000 
Suicide Artist Fakes Death, Defrauds Patrons October 15, 2000 
An Ecosystem of Your Very Own October 8, 2000 
Earth a Franchise, Astrophysicists Discover October 1, 2000 
Human Jerky: Taboo-Busting Snack Defines Breakthrough Market September 24, 2000 
At Last, Kids You Can Be Proud Of, Guaranteed September 17, 2000 
Home-Jailing More Popular than Home-Schooling September 10, 2000 
Strom Thurmond Cannot Die: Immortality a Reality September 5, 2000 
Crime Does Pay: GDP Revised to Include Property Crime September 4, 2000 
New Soap for Cleaning Soap September 1, 2000 
Coming to a Stain Near You: Ads! September 1, 2000 
New Company Tells Future, Sells Future September 1, 2000 

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